Many parents struggle with providing the right balance of support while teaching their child independence. Some parents feel like they are neglecting their child’s needs while others feel they are spending too much time “hand holding”. Teaching children independence as early as possible is crucial for optimal development. Many children lack various skills because they were not provided with opportunities to hone them. Research shows that independence is linked with higher self-esteem, self-efficacy and intrinsic motivation.

As children get older they begin to spend more time away from parents requiring them to be more self-reliant. Overall, it is essential for parents to begin to teach children independence as early in their development to prepare them to be self-reliant.

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is one of the most important pillars of childhood development. Recent research underscores the importance of the early childhood years as a critically important for establishing self-esteem. Many children lack self-esteem and have anxiety around separation from caregivers due to their lack of confidence in their own ability to care for themselves in unfamiliar environments. When children learn to complete task and care for themselves without parental assistance, they feel accomplished. Additionally, children become more cognizant of their own strengths and abilities. When children are able to do more without assistance, they feel better about themselves. Healthy self-esteem

is correlated with academic achievement and emotional well-being.

Self-Efficacy

Many children struggle in different arenas because they lack confidence in their ability to be successful in various tasks. Parents typically struggle with choosing which tasks are appropriate for their child to do on their own without much assistance. Additionally, not interfering when it appears their child is not

completing the task up to standard. When parents allow their children to practice completing task independently they gain more confidence in their own ability and feel less concerned about making mistakes. Children build self-efficacy when they have practiced completing a task until they are successful. When in doubt, remember the old saying “practice makes perfect”.

Intrinsic Motivation

In early childhood parents tend to play the role of personal cheerleader to encourage their children to reach major milestones. Parents are a major source of extrinsic motivation for children. Children learn typically to look for appraisal from their parents when they accomplish a goal. However, it is essential for children to learn to develop motivation to be accomplished even when they are not appraised. As children become school-aged they receive less individualized encouragement. It is important for children to develop the ability to be “self-starters” and motivated by their own realistic expectations. The standards that parents have are likely to be internalized by the child. It is essential for parents to encourage their children to focus on their feelings after accomplishing a task to help them become less reliant upon external appraisal. Developing intrinsic motivation equips children in adulthood to be motivated to put forth their best effort even without recognition.

Independence In Children

From an early age, a child’s search for their independence is fueled by the desire to make things happen and to feel competent in themselves. A young child’s opinion about their capabilities is, to a large extent, based on their parent’s or caregiver’s response to them. As an adult, your role in fostering independence is to provide love and support, encourage exploration and curiosity, teach skills, and allow the child to make appropriate choices. Your enthusiasm for a child’s exploration sends a message that these activities are valued by you.

Sometimes the desire to make things happen takes young children down paths that require limit setting, or they may become frustrated while trying to master a certain task. While it is appropriate to allow for small doses of frustration, caregivers should be prepared to step in to prevent overwhelming frustration, and also to expect mistakes. The key is to provide an emotional safety net when trial and error results in more error than immediate success. Like other developmental milestones for young children, successful accomplishment of self-care tasks are age-specific. An infant’s efforts to lift his head, roll over, or sit up are significant steps toward independence. Love, affection, and nurturing will help him reach that goal.

A safe environment is paramount once children are mobile. Curious and daring toddlers have little or no judgment concerning their safety, so it’s up to you to ensure that they can explore and experiment in safe surroundings. 

Independence at this stage can be encouraged by giving the child small choices as a way to exercise a measure of control over his life. These choices might include which story to read, song to sing, or which shirt to wear.

Preschoolers are verbally capable of expressing many thoughts, feelings and needs, and they are ready to take bigger steps toward independence. Encourage preschool children to do for themselves on a daily basis by allowing them to put away clothes and toys, for example. Establishing family chores--setting the table, folding towels, or helping with meal preparation--builds a sense of competence and teaches children how to do for others.

Once children reach school age, there are many opportunities to facilitate independence. Decisions about friends, school projects, and play are all a part of their daily life choices. Financial decision-making skills can be bolstered by giving older children responsibility with money, for example providing an allowance or designating a child as class treasurer.

Although it is necessary to establish limits and maintain firm rules about important issues, it is equally important to honor children’s choices whenever possible. By showing your genuine enthusiasm and recognizing the many small tasks a young child accomplishes, you are helping her gain control over her world and preparing her for a healthy, independent life.