Today we live in a society in which instant gratification is at our fingertips or just one tap away. It can be challenging to avoid conditioning children to have an attitude of expectation and entitlement. There are many great psychological and social benefits to maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Ultimately, maintaining an attitude of gratitude cultivates a conditioned heart of thankfulness.

What Have You Done for Me Lately? Teaching Gratitude

According to Barbara Lewis, young children are typically self-centered or ego-centric by nature. Their self-centered nature can be manifested in tantrums, emotional outburst and refusal to share or cooperate with others. Around age 2-3 children are able to express thankfulness for objects such as toys or food. At this age it can be challenging to help children express thankfulness or identify instances to be thankful when tangible objects are not related. By age 4, children may begin to understand the concept of being thankful not only for material things but for acts of kindness, love and caring. These attributes are fostered by consistent parental efforts to prompt their children to recognize instances in which to express gratitude.

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

Fostering an attitude of gratitude in children can be quite challenging. However, the degree of psychological plasticity in children allows them to learn habits more quickly and maintain them long-term. In order to help children, adopting an attitude of gratitude and consistency is imperative. Many times parents prompt children to show thankfulness sporadically or whimsically. The lack of consistency in expressing gratitude can condition children to have varying experiences of gratitude. Adopting a mindset of appreciation should begin the moment a child starts the day. It may be beneficial for parents to help children to recognize each day as a gift of life.

Additionally, it can be beneficial for parents to prompt their children to be thankful for assistance with tasks throughout the day (i.e. teeth brushing, shoe tying, packing lunch). However, it is important to avoid prompting in a “nagging tone”. Finally, it is exceedingly important for parents to model an attitude of thankfulness. Children learn most of their characteristics and attitudes from their parental figures. It is essential for parents to express their gratefulness for acts of service and kindness from their children and other adults. Children may view parents as hypocrites and be resistant to express gratitude if they rarely witness their parents modeling the same behaviors. Expressing gratefulness for their children’s compliance and acts of kindness can be a great way to model an attitude of gratitude.

Gratitude & Well-being

According to a 2022 study published in Emotion, showing appreciation toward others can help foster ongoing relationships with others. Overall, showing appreciation can be an expression of love and admiration. These aspects are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. According to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences, Individuals with higher levels of gratitude reported feeling healthier than other people. According to Dr. Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, individuals with high levels of gratitude had a reduction in a multitude of negative emotions related to envy, frustration and regret. Overall, these are common emotions experienced by young egocentric children as they develop healthy self-esteem and try to meet the expectations of adult figures.

Tips for Cultivating and Attitude of Gratitude & Heart of Thankfulness

-Work gratitude into daily conversation with children. For example, “We’re so lucky to have a good cat like Satchmo” or “I am so thankful that we were able to spend time together”.

-Designate a time of the day to give thanks. The best time would typically be dinner time when all members of the family are gathered together to share their gratitude.

-Having everyone involved increases the influential power.

-Designate tasks for children to assist with and show appreciation for their help. Engagement in tasks helps children recognize the effort involved with various duties and promotes appreciation.

-Be a great example in displaying gratitude with family members and friends consistently

-Practice saying “no” or “not now” to decrease entitlement tendencies. Instant gratification of every whim decreases a sense of value and appreciation.

-Encourage children to use their strengths to show kindness and gratitude toward others.